Mommy Moments : How to Improve Your Daughter's Self Esteem

Our little girls are so precious and into today's world we have to protect our daughter self esteem so the grow up healthy mentally. i don't know about you but I would do anything top make sure Heaven Leigh has a strong sense of self esteem even if the means I have to stop calling her bossy.

Rule #1: Let her play

Don’t get hung up on what your daughter wants to play, whether it’s princesses or highway patrol. While we may view one as traditionally female and another as male, to little kids, it’s all the same, so there’s no need to categorize. Just encourage her to pursue her own passions.

Rule #2: Give her a say

If we expect our daughters to make good decisions once they reach the corner office, they will need lots of practice. Let her have an age-appropriate say in matters that affect her, advises Grant. Her daughter has weighed in on what she wears and which extracurricular activities she does since an early age. “She is also included in deciding how we spend our family time and on how we divide household responsibilities,” she says.

Rule #3: Let her toot her own horn

Avoid squelching your daughter’s natural exuberance and pride. As they get older, some girls get embarrassed when they’re singled out—whether it’s for winning the 100-metre dash or the science fair—and even try to downplay their accomplishments. And this tendency can intensify over time. (Let’s be honest: How good are you at taking a compliment?)

Rule #4: Resilience must be earned

While we want the best for our kids, sometimes the best thing we can do for them is to let them struggle—even if it’s just enduring soggy socks (see Rule #2). “We want them to be happy at all times, and we do a tremendous amount of work to make things easier for them,” says Jennifer Kolari, a child therapist and author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise a Great Kid. “But if you create a perfect, carefree childhood, they aren’t going to be able to handle adversity when it happens.” This is doubly important for girls, who often see themselves portrayed in books and media as damsels in distress. Knowing that you’re capable of handling difficult situations on your own can be a very powerful lesson.

Rule #5: Avoid the B-word

As ambitious women have learned for generations, Type A women are “bossy,” while Type A men have “leadership skills.” And since bossy isn’t exactly seen as a desirable quality (last year Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg launched a social campaign to #banbossy), it’s time to scrub it from your vocabulary.That doesn’t mean your daughter deserves a free pass on rude behaviour, though. “When I see my older daughter acting ‘bossy,’ I don’t slap a label on it,” says mother Sonia Giampietro. Instead, she talks about better ways to communicate ideas and collaborate with others.

Rule #6: Be nice, but not to a fault

Despite how it might look in the school lunchroom, most parents do try to teach their kids manners. But the importance of being nice is really emphasized for girls, and this kind of gendered encouragement can lead to girls putting themselves last, pleasing others instead of themselves and becoming pushovers. Plus, having to “act like a lady” leaves no room to be loud, strident, funny, and so on. “It’s tough for girls to find the right balance between respecting and helping others, and being assertive about what they think and want,” says Malcolm. We need to model the behaviour we’d like see them exhibit. “If our daughters see us standing up for ourselves, speaking up when we don’t agree with others or asking for help when we need it, they will learn they can do that, too.”

Rule #7: Go beyond “you look so pretty!”

We’ve all done it: At a party or family gathering, we’ve gone up to a little girl and told her we like her dress or said how pretty she looks. It’s an easy icebreaker. Beauty can be tricky—it feels natural to compliment a child, yet it can reinforce the message that looks are what matter most. One solution is to keep talking. Ask follow-up questions—“How high can you kick?” or “How far can your dress twirl?”—so it’s more about how she feels in an outfit than how she looks. “I tell my five-year-old it’s her heart that makes her friends want to play with her, not the dress she chooses to wear,” says Giampietro.

Rule #8: Ask questions, then listen

It’s estimated the average eight-year-old is exposed to some form of media (TV, billboards, magazines, online videos, etc.) for close to seven hours every day, and much of it plays offstereotypes. That is an enormous amount of information to make sense of. Use it as an opportunity to talk to your children, and to help them practise their critical thinking. “I like to ask questions rather than lecture,” says Kolari. “I’ll ask, ‘What else do you think that girl can do?’ or ‘What is that singer saying?’ You don’t want them to tune out or feel ashamed that they like to play princess or like pretty things.” And then really listen to what they have to say. Validate their opinions and their experiences


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